The Sin of Negativity

March 6, 2018

Lately my kids have been telling us how bad they are. What!? Whoa!? Who’s teaching you to think that way?

I was once told “there is no pain so awful as that of suspense.” That explains why I’ve been in a lot of pain lately. Until that first game we have no idea how bad our team is. At least that’s they way I see it — “how bad are we?” The suspense of not knowing how good other teams are creates a darkness, doubt and fear that this team could fail. As far as our team is concerned, all I know is what I’ve seen in the last six practices. When my boys and girl struggle in practice I see in my minds eye other teams with 7 year-old Derek Jeter’s eating up the tough hops and throwing darts to first. And if we’re bad, it’s my fault. What!? Whoa!? Who’s teaching you to think that wa— I am. Without breathing a syllable I have taught my children to live in the world of “how bad are we?” Though I may not verbalized it, I have successfully projected my negativity on my kids. I have introduced them to the world of comparison, and in the world of comparison we build our estate in the land of negativity. If they’re better than me, then I’m bad.  If They get a hit and I don’t,  it’s  because I’m a bad hitter.  If I get a hit and they don’t it’s because they’re not as good as me. Both are dangerous sentiments, built on sandy foundations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Case in point: today was the first game. Somewhere in the first inning I breathed a deep sigh of relief, “they are as bad as we are.” The other team was just as insecure at the plate, unsure on the mound and fidgety in the field. Negativity comes so easily to me — easy to see and even easier to communicate.

Later in the game one of our better players dropped two perfect throws at first base. He’ll make those catches 9 out of 10 times — and he dropped two in a row. Yet the x-ray machine is made to take pictures only of what’s broken  — as soon as the second half of the play fails, positivity leaves the field to get out of the way of  the high powered negatively charged electrons come to capture the image of failure. Whose going to protect the player? The coach is responsible for bringing in the lead towel and protecting the player from esteem destroying gamma rays. Throwing my head back and wailing will not help. I’ve got to make sure all that kid sees and feels is his great worth to me and the team. Plus we should be shooting fireworks in the outfield celebrating the great throw from short.

One year while coaching soccer I had a player who was heartbroken after a loss — mind you this was 6-year-old soccer. The next day I asked my son if he’d like to bring him some cookies to cheer him up. He suggested we bring a card as well. Together we came up with the phrase, “we’d rather lose with you, than win without you.” This game is not about the ball, it’s about the people you play with. They are more important than the ball they just dropped.

If you think this is just a problem for the little one’s think again. Last year I read an

article in the NY Times by James Wagner telling the story of how the World Champion Cubs came to meet before every game and share positive thoughts towards one another — even sharing a hug or two. Kris Bryant explains “that even though the pregame sessions are a daily phenomenon, those taking part do not run out of things to mention. It is easy, he said, to always find something nice to say about the person standing in the middle of the circle, whether it be about their role as a teammate or friend or co-worker or parent (Click on quote to read the article).”

Why do they do this? Baseball’s a powerful x-ray machine exposing our weakness. While that can help build character and improve ability, a negative mindset exposes the player’s healthy tissue to the harmful rays eventually destroying a once healthy self-esteem. The greatest opponent dosen’t play on the field—he/she plays in our head. Help our kids defeat that opponent — and they’ll win every time they take the field.

There was no scoreboard or official books kept for our first game (it was really a glorified scrimmage). But I couldn’t help pay attention to the runs scored — we got through three innings and both teams scored 2 runs. What more could you ask for. It was a great effort. They were as good as we were.